I swear, every time I go into the dentist office I walk out with way less change in the ol' purse. I mean, I know he means well . . . but come on, $1,000 is what I owe with insurance?! My goodness, I need to take out a loan just to keep my teeth in check.
Now granted, I knew that my tooth was on the brinks for the past few years, but I still wasn't ready to grasp that on Thursday, 11/13 I would be sitting 3 hours in the dental chair getting a root canal and a crown prep done. Maybe it is just a ploy because the dentist really likes me. Could it be because of my fabulous sense of humor, great smile, and pudgy look that he admires? NAAGH!! Darn it any how!
To make things worse, I had to hear from my little Xandry something that no momma wants to hear from a 5 year old. Let me rewind a bit and set this story up correctly.
For the past year, Xandry has been asking me if I liked being a mother. My reply has often been the same, "I love being a mommy. I get to see you grow up, teach you, watch you dance, learn things, and you melt my heart when you say things like, 'I love you mom.'" Xandry's reply often echos like this, "Not me. I am never going to have kids." Well, last night it all made sense why as she put it plain and simple terms for me. She said, "It's just easier mom." When I dug more into her response she stated, "You don't have to read to them, you don't have to take them places. It's just easier." From the mouth of a five year old!
So it got me thinking. (I know BIG thing for me!) But am I really making mother-hood look bad and unappealing for my daughter? I mean, if all she sees is me running all over the place, ragged, complaining, what am I teaching her? Yes, it is one of those worst mother feelings ever kind of moments. Though, I really don't think I complain about it, but I must be doing something wrong for her to think that being a mother is not worth it.
Now granted, I knew that my tooth was on the brinks for the past few years, but I still wasn't ready to grasp that on Thursday, 11/13 I would be sitting 3 hours in the dental chair getting a root canal and a crown prep done. Maybe it is just a ploy because the dentist really likes me. Could it be because of my fabulous sense of humor, great smile, and pudgy look that he admires? NAAGH!! Darn it any how!
To make things worse, I had to hear from my little Xandry something that no momma wants to hear from a 5 year old. Let me rewind a bit and set this story up correctly.
For the past year, Xandry has been asking me if I liked being a mother. My reply has often been the same, "I love being a mommy. I get to see you grow up, teach you, watch you dance, learn things, and you melt my heart when you say things like, 'I love you mom.'" Xandry's reply often echos like this, "Not me. I am never going to have kids." Well, last night it all made sense why as she put it plain and simple terms for me. She said, "It's just easier mom." When I dug more into her response she stated, "You don't have to read to them, you don't have to take them places. It's just easier." From the mouth of a five year old!
So it got me thinking. (I know BIG thing for me!) But am I really making mother-hood look bad and unappealing for my daughter? I mean, if all she sees is me running all over the place, ragged, complaining, what am I teaching her? Yes, it is one of those worst mother feelings ever kind of moments. Though, I really don't think I complain about it, but I must be doing something wrong for her to think that being a mother is not worth it.
6 comments:
The rewards come after much work! All she sees right now is the work and kids hate work. You are a great MOM! You can tell that by your kids and your great hubby. That just doesn't happen. Just be grateful she didn't tell you she wants Becky's belly! :)
Don't get too down on yourself RayLynn. You are a great mom! But being a mom is hard work and she is realizing that early so maybe that is a good thing - she will appreciate you more for all you do!
Suzanne...leave it to you to bring brightness to RayLynn at my expense!!
Comments like that sting, but in the long run they teach us the best lessons!
My lesson learned: get a tummy tuck. What will your lesson be? :)
hey! i don't have kids, i have never wanted kids. it had nothing to do with my mom. my mom rocked and your five year old see's what she wants to see.
it IS easier on some levels to be completely selfish and self absorbed so much so that you don't want to give that up. that is where i was and am at. i like my life.
don't get down on yourself. she's five and has a lot of life ahead of her. you live in a society with all these women who have tons of kids and do their own thing. all of your kids intermingle. they see many things. so, don't beat yourself up, just do you best everyday. you love them, its obvious, that is the greatest gift of all.
Well thank you my good trusty friends. I needed some of that response. Now as for the tummy tuck and Becky belly . . . I WANT THAT!!
Raylynn - you are awesome at making everything fun! Who else would we have ever learned the word "foofernickel" from?
When we told Cody that we were having Dallin, he said to me "Mom! Every year you have ANOTHER baby!"
That one kept me up a few nights too. I still worry that I don't give him enough attention because he is the oldest, but I just keep trying - that's all I can do.
She's a great kid and you're a great mom. It will all be ok :)
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